


this kind of rush

by randomreasoning



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Coming Out, Fluff, Future Fic, Getting Together, Humour, M/M, Some internalised homophobia, Underage Drinking, slight angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2020-05-02 14:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19200445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomreasoning/pseuds/randomreasoning
Summary: “A kiss can mean a lot of different things.” - Cyrus Goodman.





	this kind of rush

**Author's Note:**

> thank you to all the lovely comments on the last story, sorry I didnt get back to them! I read and loved them all so much. this one has been in the works for months and months and today I finally wrote it, yay! hope you enjoy x

_“A kiss can mean a lot of different things.” - Cyrus Goodman._

  
**x**

  
Cyrus finds TJ in the cafeteria with his books scattered everywhere and his head hunched over a bag of candy. He's been like this for weeks now; his finals are looming and his coach is on his back every day about training.

“Hey.” Cyrus throws his bag on the floor and slumps into a chair, TJ just giving him a lazy wave. “How long have you been like this?”

TJ huffs. “My whole life.”

“Right, so we're at the self pitying stage, gotcha.”

“Cyrus,” TJ whines, his hands doing that flailing thing they do which usually means stop. Cyrus is learning the signs. “I don't need you to be… so _you_ right now. I just need a distraction… A game.”

“...A game? You've got a Physics exam and you want to play a game?”

“Uh huh.” TJ grins, leaning back in his chair and throwing a candy wrapper at Cyrus like he's taking a jump shot. “Armadillo.”

It takes Cyrus longer to work out what he's doing than it should. Especially since he was the one who started doing this weeks ago in a way to help Jonah when he was panicking. “Bear.”

“Cougar.”

“Dog.”

TJ makes an obnoxious, horn-like noise with his mouth. “Wrong.”

“What? Come on! That's an animal! This is about animals. I wish you'd just tell me the parameters of the game before we actually start playing the game.”

“What would be the fun in that?”

“Armadillo… Bear… Co- oh, ooooh, um, Dingo.”

“Underdog!” Cyrus rolls his eyes at the way TJ celebrates. “Up top.”

They high five. “Your turn. E.”

“Eagle.”

“Frog.”

“Gorilla.”

“Hare.”

“I…I... I don't remember why I started this game.” TJ's head falls onto the table. “You always win.”

“There are so many wild animals that start with the letter I!”

“Name them.”

“Iguana. Ibis. Impala.”

“Alright, alright,” TJ groans, grabbing another candy and throwing it at Cyrus. It’s a Hershey’s Kiss, which he curls up in his hand. “Your prize for being the smartest as usual.”

“I have to win at something.”

“Now who’s being self pitying?”

  
**x**

 

Three weeks after the new girl, Zoe, starts at school, TJ asks her out. She’s not into sport; but she’s pretty funny and really nice and actually wants to get to know Cyrus. Which is a huge step up from Kira, at least.

“What’s wrong with you?” Cyrus asks TJ when they’re waiting for Zoe to finish class. He’s jittery - he can’t keep his feet still and he keeps fixing his hair even when it doesn’t fall out of place.

“Nothing. What’s wrong with you?”

Cyrus rolls his eyes. “It’s okay to be nervous about your first date with someone.”

“It’s not a date!” TJ insists, again, even though he’s taking Zoe to the movies, even though he specifically told Cyrus he couldn’t tag along because it wasn’t really a ‘hang out thing’.

“Sure. Keep telling yourself that.”

TJ hip and shoulders him, and Cyrus pushes him back, and by the time Zoe comes up to them TJ has Cyrus in a playful headlock and Cyrus is maybe, possibly begging for mercy through his laughter.

“Hi, boys,” Zoe says though her laughter, TJ leaping so far away from Cyrus that he almost falls off the bench. Cyrus just gives him a confused look.

“Hey, Zoe, uh, excited for your d - ”

TJ kicks him with a foot and interrupts. “How was school?”

“Same as any other day I guess,” Zoe says with a shrug. “I’m still awake!”

Cyrus laughs at that. She’s a cool girl. “Well, you guys have fun,” he says, getting up and swinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I have a ton of Calculus homework to do and I’m losing daylight.”

“You’re such a dork,” TJ teases, getting up too and standing with Zoe. They share a look and a smile and it’s nice, Cyrus supposes, he’s happy for them.

It just feels weird for some reason.

“Bye.”

TJ turns back to wave to him, making Cyrus’ stomach do dumb things - so he pulls a face and mouths clearly, _Date_. TJ blows him a kiss, teasing, and Cyrus pretends to catch it and put it in his pocket.

Tyrus laughs. Maybe it’s nothing.

  
**x**

  
Cyrus has always vowed not to drink until he’s 21. Or maybe he never will. His parents don’t really, Andi and Buffy’s don’t much - it’s never seemed like something that would be a part of his life. He knows people enjoy it, and most drink it for the flavour and not because their dependent. But he also knows of all the risks - and if he can avoid them, why not?

He figures that’s why it’s hard to see TJ drunk.

“I’m not drunk,” he tries to tell Cyrus, slouched on the stairs at the back of Liam Munroe’s house because apparently ‘everyone else is boring’. It had been TJ’s idea to come to this party in the first place, so Cyrus finds that a bit rich.

“What would you call it then?”

“I donno.” TJ lets his head fall into a hand. “Tipsy, or something.”

“That’s basically the same thing.”

“Just back off, Cyrus, geez. You don’t _have_ to be here.”

Cyrus bites back a retort. He knows there’s no point getting angry. TJ’s not in any state to be arguing, or enraging. “Look, I get that you’re sad about Zoe - ”

“That’s not even - ”

“ - but we could have just stayed at home and had junk food and watched all the Pitch Perfect movies or something.”

“I just wanted to drink!”

Cyrus finds that hard to believe. TJ is serious about his sport. He’s always training extra hard, all the time, trying so hard for that scholarship. Besides, if everything’s piling up and life is getting too much, he’ll come to Cyrus. He’ll ask for help.

He never does this.

“Let me walk you home. Please?”

It takes TJ a long moment but eventually he sighs and agrees. They link arms and wander off and as much as Cyrus is worried about him he can admit TJ’s not too bad. He’s walking and talking and still cracking his lame jokes and Cyrus finds it so relieving.

“Thank you, kind sir, for walking me to my door,” TJ teases when they get to his front gate.

“You’re welcome, my liege, at your service.”

TJ punches him softly in the shoulder. “You’re mom nearly here?”

“Should be,” Cyrus says, looking down the street. He probably would have been safe to walk, but again - not worth the risk. He’s not sure TJ would let him.

“Text me when you get home?”

“Of course. And tomorrow at 7am when you’re feeling like death.”

“Ha. Ha.”

A set of headlights comes around the corner and Cyrus pockets his phone. He’s about to turn and wave the car down when TJ quietly says his name and grabs his hand.

Cyrus watches with a confused fascination as TJ bends down and kisses it, at the knuckles. “M’lady,” he says with a smirk, and Cyrus is too nervous and flushed and stupid to reply until TJ’s almost at his door.

“I thought I was a kind sir?!”

Cyrus can still hear him laughing as he gets in his mom’s car to head home.

  
**x**

  
Cyrus can’t remember when he realised he liked Jonah. It was like it built up, little thing by little thing, until it was overflowing and pouring out and he couldn’t stop it with just his bare hands. It was sort of exciting, mostly terrifying - but it was so far out of his reach it felt surreal. Jonah was Andi’s, and that would never change. So he pushed it down and pushed it down until it was a far off thing.

The way he feels about TJ is different. It’s very real, and solid, like he can touch it and prod it and clench it in his hand and feel how much it’s going to hurt. How much it already hurts. TJ is his best friend, and he is TJ’s only friend. At least the only one that counts (according to TJ). TJ is the first person he texts, the last person he says goodnight to.

TJ is his. TJ was his from the start.

“It was bound to happen,” Andy is trying to reassure Cyrus as he groans about it at lunch time one day. He has his head in his lunch tray and about a dozen unanswered texts from TJ because he’s too chicken to face him. “You two spend more time together than me and Buffy do.”

“Yeah, but … why TJ? He’s my best friend, I can’t …I can’t do this again.”

“Well you did it with Jonah and that worked out fine.”

“Did it? Or did I just move on to the next best friend? Am I the Best Friend Assassin? None of them are safe from my crushes!”

Andi’s trying not to roll her eyes. Cyrus can tell, and he’s not even looking at her. “Cyrus. It’s not your fault. You didn’t pull his name out of a hat!”

“Whose name?” TJ flops down at the table opposite them, stealing some fries from Cyrus’ tray. When Cyrus jolts his head up, TJ begins to cackle. “You’ve got…”

He shakes his head and pulls a piece of carrot from Cyrus face.

Cyrus groans again.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing, nothing,” Andi lies quickly. “We just have to do a group assignment in History and Cyrus got paired with Kyle Carter.”

“Oh no. Kyle’s the worst.”

“Yeah,” Andi says with pretend worry. She leans in and gives Cyrus a kiss on the cheek, patting his shoulder. “Stay strong, buddy. I’ll see you after school.”

When she leaves, TJ eats some more of his fries and Cyrus tries not to look at him. It’s dumb - he’s not going to avoid him forever - but everything’s so fresh. It feels like poking at an open wound.

“Is that why you didn’t reply to my texts?” TJ asks, and Cyrus can’t help but look at him now. He seems genuinely concerned, which just makes Cyrus feel worse. “You’re stressed about Carter?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus grumbles, hating the lie. He forces more truth to it. “And I’ve got that Physics project due. And Buffy’s fighting with her Mom about deployment again. And - ”

“Cyrus, Cyrus.” TJ leans over to give his shoulder a shake. “It’s alright, man, you don’t need to explain everything to me.”

“I know, I just…” Cyrus sighs, defeated. “It’s a lot.”

TJ lets his hand linger at Cyrus’ shoulder, before gently brushing his thumb over Cyrus cheek. It sends little shockwaves down his spine, his fingers digging into the tabletop.

“Are you wiping Andi’s kiss away?” Cyrus asks stupidly, making TJ huff and pull away. Cyrus was trying not to look at him but now he can’t stop.

“No, no,” he says with a small smile, stealing some more fries and kicking his toes against Cyrus’ under the table.

He’s beautiful.

   
**x**

 

There’s a dance in the gymnasium just a few weeks before exams. The school dresses it up to be an ‘Under the Water’ theme so they can raise money for a charity that does ocean clean ups. Cyrus has nothing against that the oceans are horrifyingly polluted - but he can see what the school's trying to do. They’re trying to distract all the students from the fear that they’re studying their way into impending doom.

For some, it’s really not working.

“Uh, maybe you should come to this dance,” Cyrus says to TJ when he finds him at home almost buried alive in text books.

“Funny,” TJ grunts, not looking up.

“No, seriously, I’m concerned for you personally but I’m also worried the fumes will create an even greater ozone problem than we’re already facing.”

“Cyrus,” TJ snaps, but stop when he looks up and sees Cyrus’ costume. “Wow. You - you look cool.”

“Thanks!” Andi had helped him put together a Neptune costume complete with a scaly three piece suit, a tritan and a crown. Not to mention all the glittery make up. “I was thinking about the crab from The Little Mermaid but the logistics of those paper mache claws … I definitely made the right choice.”

TJ laughs quietly, sighing at this text book and finally throwing it aside. “You’re probably right. How much of this am I gonna learn if I don’t know it already.”

“That’s the spirit,” Cyrus crows with a fist pump. “Stop learning. Nothing can be gained from learning.”

“Weirdo.”

“Party pooper.”

TJ throws a wad of paper at him before struggling to his feet; Cyrus trying not to notice how his hair is so soft, and his t-shirt rides up, and the muscles in his forearms clench as he stretches. Cyrus notices a lot. “I don’t have a costume though.”

“I don’t think you’ll get kicked out for that.”

“I wouldn’t put it past them.”

Cyrus holds out his hand to help TJ over the mounds of mess, and TJ takes it, hopping over and bumping into Cyrus on purpose, the two of them wrestling their way out of his room. TJ leaves his arm around Cyrus’ shoulder as they walk. “Who let you in, anyway?”

“Your sister. Then she disappeared back into her room.”

“Surprise, surprise.”

TJ gets Cyrus a drink, then goes back to his room to change, returning with a nice pair of black jeans and a simple white t-shirt that has two kissing fish at the chest. Cyrus nearly spits out his soda.

“Nice one.”

“Didn’t want to let the King Of The Sea down,” TJ teases, Cyrus putting a hand over his heart.

“Thank you, peasant. I do take the wooing of my sea life very seriously.”

“Let’s just go to this thing, Your Highness.”

“I detect apathy,” Cyrus protests as TJ’s pulling him out the door. “I want to hear excitement. I order joy!”

  
**x**

 

They actually have a really good time, playing all the parlour games and dancing as a group and stuffing their faces with about twelve different types of cakes that are not remotely Under The Sea themed. Cyrus gets a thrill thinking about their upcoming Bake Sale day. He just loves cake. A lot.

“Eat it now before age catches up with you,” TJ says jokingly as they’re sitting huddled together at the far end of the gym.

“You need to stop listening to your Mom.”

“We can’t all have sensitive psychologist parents.”

“A pity, I know.” Cyrus grabs for TJ’s soda, taking a sip to help his dry throat. “You think the DJ will take requests?”

“I think we’ve had enough Ariana Grande for one night.”

“I can’t believe you just said that. We can’t be friends.”

“Hey lovebirds,” Marty calls over the music, running up with a hand out. Cyrus lost it for ten minutes laughing when he saw Marty’s squid costume. “Someone dance with me, I’m trying to beat Buffy at a dance off.”

Cyrus is about to say of course you are (those two compete more now that they’re dating than they ever have), when TJ stands up with his fists clenched and storms away from them, out of the gym.

“What’d I say?”

“Uh, I don’t know. I - sorry.”

Cyrus rushes out to find him, looking everywhere. He checks bathrooms, class rooms, even the science lab that no one steps foot in unless there’s a teacher present because there’s an age old rumour that it’s haunted.

Then he knows. The swings.

“What was that about?” he asks when he finds TJ out there, not really swinging just kicking his toes.

“Nothing.”

“Obviously something.”

TJ makes a small growling sound, digging his heels in. “It was just a stupid joke. Love birds.”

“That? He says that to people all the time. He said it to Andi and Buffy the other day.”

“That’s different, she’s his girlfriend. And we’re …”

“Boys? Does that make you uncomfortable? Boys loving each other?”

“No!”

“Good!” Cyrus shouts, starting to feel a little sad, and breathless, and he’s not sure why he does it, it’s not the way he imagined doing it, but he says, “Because I’m gay. So that shouldn’t be a problem for you.”

The moment seems to stretch on forever. Cyrus can’t hear anything except the rushing in his ears - waiting silently for TJ to say something. Do something. Anything.

“What?”

“Don’t make me repeat it,” Cyrus says, not meaning for it to come out pleadingly.

“No,” TJ says, standing up to move closer. “No - I - I’m sorry. I wasn’t mad about that. Sorry.”

“Okay.”

“That’s - thanks for telling me that. I mean, I get that’s a lot and I … thanks.”

“Well. What’s the problem then?”

“I just.” TJ takes a deep breath. “I’ve been feeling a bit weird about you, and me, about how close we are. I don’t know what it means. I don’t understand what it is.”

“Oh,” Cyrus says slowly, trying not to show how far out of his depth he is. He knows those feelings, he had them about Jonah once - but he doesn’t want to dictate TJ’s thoughts, or his sexuality. “Okay. You don’t have to understand anything right now.”

“I want to.”

“Right. Well … I can help? If you want to talk about it or whatever? I’m pretty much made out of confusion. 50 percent water, 50 percent confusion. I mean, no, probably 20 percent water and 80 percent - ”

“Cyrus,” TJ cuts in, grabbing at Cyrus’ suit jacket to pull him a little closer. “I know something. I know that I like you a lot. Dating Zoe, drinking at Liam’s … I did all that because I was scared of how much I like you.”

Cyrus swallows around the lump in his throat, the shaking of his hands forcing him to reach for TJ too. It’s an almost perfect moment, really, how close they are and their fluttering touches and their nervous breaths that never seem to catch.

“I like you a lot, too. You’re my best friend Teej. You’re …”

TJ ducks his head further and Cyrus leans into it and their lips touch so softly, like a brush of feathers, or butterfly wings.

“I’m sorry if I made you feel bad about yourself,” TJ says, so quietly it’s almost a whisper.

“You didn’t. I was just scared I’d lose you.”

“No.” TJ grabs Cyrus and pulls him close into a hug and they stand there wound tight around each other, more perfect moments. “No. You can’t lose me. I’m yours. I know that. I'm yours.”


End file.
